I Almost Survived Fest 7
While the Sprockets that actually get shit done were running our booth at the Alternative Press Expo in San Francisco, I went to Florida. Here is the ugly story of why I am now suffering from “Fest AIDS”:
I got all my stuff to fit comfortably into my messenger bag, but this left no space for the ape suit I tricked Target into selling me for $20 earlier this week.
Bryan from The Political Party, My roommate and fellow Fest’er, realized that in a pillowcase it could pass for a pillow, and we were off!
We took BART to the airport, where there was a CODE YELLOW PARTY ALERT!
Arriving in Gainesville two days early, we met a couple at the airport who had just gotten married and were attending Fest for their honeymoon. How fucking rad!!! If I ever get tricked into getting married, that would make for the best honeymoon ever. Bryan and I decided to not ask if we could crash on their hotel-room floor for the night since they really should be fucking, but shared a cab with them into town, where I got my only night of actual bed sleep for the entire trip at The Gator Lodge.
Walking around town, we found some true American patriotism
We tried to help the patriots out by lifting their sign up in the air where everyone could see it, but they just came running out of their dorm building and threatened to kick our fucking asses.
The next day we visited the house that No Idea Records is run out of.
Their mail-order operation is both way messier and way more organized than mine has ever been.
They also have cuter art on their walls
We were not spared from the FEST AIDS epidemic despite our admirable levels of intoxication.
Then we met up with Danny at Common Grounds, one of the neatest venue/bars in town. Danny has been a good friend of mine forever, and also used to do mail-order for Springman back in the day, where she became friends with my mom. Danny did her best to let everyone know about the CODE YELLOW PARTY ALERT while making her best “Sex Face.”
Then Danny’s friend gave us a ride to this random warehouse rented out by Fail Safe Records six miles away from any civilization where fifteen bands with the word “Anchor” in their name played some of the most amazing sets I’d ever seen in my life.
I drank way more than I should have, and saw way to many people with beards. There was a CODE YELLOW PARTY ALERT in affect, as you can see from the third picture below.
Then The Arrivals showed up, featuring Paddy from Dillinger Four.
I’ve only been star-struck twice in my life thus far: Meeting Aaron Cometbus, and meeting Billy from Dillinger Four. This made the third time.
They played fucking awesome, and I drunk voice-mailed Caitlin about how excited I was, and the machine cut me off for rambling to long.
Paddy thought I was cute and fed me whiskey and lifted me up and spun me around. He remembered my name later at some other party and lifted me up and spun me around some more. I’m still giddy.
When it was time to go, the laws of physics made it so that the car I planned on riding in could only hold nine of the twelve people trying to fit inside.
Kim was nice enough to text me numbers for the local cab companies, but none would pick up my two friends and I since they thought we were fucking with them, since nobody would ever be out in the middle of nowhere like that, and we were so clearly fucked up on the phone that it had to be a prank.
So I flagged down some trucks riding by and found a nice man high on cocain who didn’t have room in the truck for us but let us lay down in the back and freeze to death for the six miles back into town.
We hopped out of the truck in a scary random parking lot, then some girls I met at the show magically showed up, giving my friends rides to where they needed to bel, and letting me crash on their couch.
I woke up the next morning in my outer space onezie pajamas, spent about five minutes remembering/figuring out where I was and how, then at 8am walked over to No Idea Records HQ to help load up boxes of stuff to help with Fest registration and the Flea Market. Around 10am Tony, the guy in charge of Fest, decided that I had to change into normal people clothes.
Registration was intense, a line wrapping around the hotel that lasted for hours and hours. There were 4,500 people there, including members of about 300 bands. If each band has 4 people, that means about 1/4th of the people at Fest were also in bands performing at Fest.
I had a Silver Sprocket table set up at the Flea Market in the room where they do registration, selling mostly Mitch Clem stuff.
The people there were all super nice and excited about all the things I’m excited about, and love Mitch Clem. Two were even dressed like Fletcher.
Holly swung by, featured in the comic by name as a local barista that Mitch had a crush on. Which made me feel kind of creepy but also warm and fuzzy inside. You can find Holly serving coffee at The Spy House in Minneapolis.
This one guy had a shirt on of a lumberjack punching a bear.
Now it was time to see some bands. The schedule was insane with some 300 bands playing, plus the unofficial shows.
I swung by The Venue, the largest venue that holds some two or three thousand people, to find a huge line wrapping around the block. I wanted to be inside later that night for Ann Beretta, Strike Anywhere, Less Than Jake and The Bouncing Souls, and considered getting in line early, but before that, I had to see The Falcon at Common Grounds.
The Falcon were fucking awesome!!!!!!!!!!
Then I walked over to The Venue to find the line way shorter and moving pretty quick.
Ann Beretta was incredible, playing lots of old songs off Bitter Tongues. This is one of the most important albums ever in the history of the world, get it, recommended for fans of The Clash, One Man Army and Avail. It’s on Fueled By Ramen, one of the first things they released way back when.
But more than that, the crowd was incredible. I was up in the front area, packed in with hundreds of people screaming along to every word going completely ape-shit. None of us had heard these songs played live in ten years, and here it was, all of us in it together, an intense common bond that would last for all of Fest throughout all of these unbelievable shows.
They literally took the five or ten kids from each scene who are balls all the way out into it. The people who live for these bands, the nicest most excited and inspiring people in -the music-scene/world, and somehow got them all to pack into one tiny town for a weekend of the most amazing shows you’ll ever see, shows that couldn’t happen anywhere else. The entire event was like on TV where the local team just won the World Series and total strangers are celebrating on the bus, handing out cigarettes and hugging and singing songs, total strangers united as best friends excited about a common thing.
OK I’ll quit being a hippy now and get back to what actually went on.
Some tall-bikes were locked outside.
Then I got some food or something at the Jamaican place, Reggae Shack, then hung out some outside with random friends from random towns that were gathered here.
I started walking one way, and randomly made friends with some guys from Philadelphia, who were very nice and we traded some of our vegan food, and then it turned out they were all in that band Paint It Black, and former members of Kid Dynamite. I shat my pants about sixteen times right here.. I mean, holy fuck, where are you going to just be walking around and accidentally strike conversations and swap vegan food with your fucking heroes???
I then went on to try meeting up with some other friends that were across town at The Kickstand (venue / community bicycle repair shop), and on my way, made friends with some other guys from NYC that gave me swigs of their water-bottles that were actually filled with vodka. They talked about how strange it was to not be in NYC for World/Inferno’s Hallowmas that year. We talked about how random it was to just be walking around and accidentally have neat conversations with childhood heroes, and wouldn’t you know it, those fuckers ended up being the guys from Leftover Crack and The Star Fucking Hipsters, who then text messaged me an invite to a secret house-party they would be playing later that night.
WHAT THE FUCK???
Then I ran into some other friends walking the other way and fucked around outside for a while until it was time to go back to The Venue for Less Than Jake, a band I hadn’t seen or listened to in hella years too, like 8 or 9 years, but they played all old stuff so I knew the words to every song and went totally nuts for everything. We all got separated early on, then while watching from around the middle of the place, some jerk went thrashing through the crowd to get to the front just bumping into everyone in a rude way. I grabbed him by the shirt and yelled at him to not be such a fucking jerk, to which he said “Ok!” and put his arm around me and pulled me up to the front to rock out with him. It was my good friend Matt from Shinobu, very drunk, and we continued to have the best time ever and got all sweaty singing about wanting our very own flags.
After Less Than Jake, someone I had met earlier at the flea market ran by, not saying anything, just handing me a flier.
This is around when security just gave up and decided to stop doing anything at all anywhere, so I climbed up a piece of the venue to sit on some wooden beam to have a good view for The Bouncing Souls. They played an entire set of old songs off their first two albums, which also blew my fucking mind holy fuck the rocking out in my head just won’t stop.
This entire event was a big testament to the 90’s era punk rock I grew up on, call it nostalgia if you want, but this would be fucking magical back in the 90’s just as much as it was last week.
Then I went outside for the Paint It Black show. Last year the band played the second floor of an apartment, and the floor caved in.
This time around, it was to be out of a rented truck with a generator.
One chord into their set, the power failed, but the drums kept on and a few hundred punks yelled the words as loud as they could. A stream of people climbed up on top of the truck and jumped down to crowd surf over the growing a capella audience.
The crowd started getting out of control as cops came to break it up.
Though they were breaking up a show, they were really nice to everyone as far as I could tell and didn’t fuck with people. The whistles were kind of annoying though, but the horses they rode in on were pretty cute.
The place I was gonna crash that night ended up not existing, but luckily Bryans friend had a spot, so I slept on his hotel-room floor. I can’t fucking sleep at all when a TV is on, I know that some 95% of the population needs some noise like that but I don’t care, anyway, it was a free floor so no complaining. My earplugs didn’t help much, so I waited an hour then gently turned down the volume before turning it off which hopefully didn’t make anyone else wake back up.
This one info-shop has un-official Fest events, I wanted to wake up at 6am to see The Measure, but the only person who pulled that off ended up being Danny who was somehow in bed by midnight each night.
Woke up, way past 6am, ready to rock!
No Idea was having a BBQ yard-sale with their whole catalog available at reduced prices, and a big box of free stuff. There was a long line to look at their stuff, so I got some vegan BBQ, then we set off to check out this art show put together by Vinny from Less Than Jake featuring original work from people in bands.
The place was awesome and gave me this Obama shirt they made that mixes up his picture with JFK and tried really hard to steal/purchase my Abe Lincoln shirt that Zach Trover designed (picture later).
Then we went to see The Swellers, who were awesome and I can see getting as big as Fall Out Boy but I mean that in a nice way. Then I went to see The Measure (SA). Then I waited in line a bit to see Atom And His Package and couldn’t get in ({CRY CRY CRY}), then went to see Scouts Honor, then.. fuck this is hard to keep track of.
There was this neat bike built for two.
I donated some CDs to the local community run info-shop book and record store place.
This band at The Kickstand was amazing and wore all alligator stuff
Andrew Jackson Jihad had a Misfits rip-off shirt, the back of which honored the town they’re from where Danzig got knocked out for being a jerk and its all over youtube.
This bike repair place was seriously awesome, like the Bike Kitchen but with tons of space, a stage, equipment everywhere, a big lot, BBQ out front, all BYOB, tons of kids everywhere…
Shinobu played an incredible set and I was so stoked to see all these people really excited about them. Half the band was Bomb The Music Industry guys since Bob and John are in Japan. Also, blurry.
I’m having trouble figuring out where I was all the time and who I saw since there was so fucking much going on everywhere, but I ended up hanging out a bunch with Ben and Sean from Andrew Jackson Jihad, we had a gay old time, hiding from cops and drinking and shooting shit and stuff. I didn’t know Sean did suicide prevention work and went out with cops to talk to homeless people and help them get their shit together, very stand-up stuff, and actually doing something to make the world better.
We went to see Dillinger Four, it was the most incredible amazing show ever in the history of anything. They were hilarious, inspirational, played amazing, the entire crowd was so excited. People were buying rounds of beers for random strangers, arms around each other, going ape-shit all the way back, fists in the air, thousands of people just losing it like some baseball game or something. I have been such a huge fan of this band for so many years and finally got to see them for the first time. Billy is so fucking funny, got naked, told stories, talked about Jesus and cocaine.. I’m going to find some video of this, the world has to know, I can’t do it justice describing it right here.
Another thing I loved about Fest is how popular the shows were — they are as big as they would be if the world was properly calibrated for fan bases to be proportional to how good a band was. The Venue holds some two or three thousand people, its huge, and bands like The Lawrence Arms, Dillinger Four, The Ergs and Off With The Heads packed it in with die-hard wide-eyed rabid fans. They’d be playing for just a few hundred people (or less) anywhere else.
That show ended around 10, I couldn’t stop smiling and being ridiculously inspired. We swung back to The Kickstand. The Star Fucking Hipsters did some hippy drum thing outside.
Then Bomb The Music Industry played and it was just insane, no room to move anywhere, they fucked up a lot but it didn’t matter, different singers and drummers for each song.
Sean from AJJ got up to sing a Neutral Milk Hotel song.
Then I rolled with this Spoonboy guy to this house-show where the Andrew Jackson Jihad guys were also playing, and Larry Livermoore who founded Lookout Records was hanging out. The crowd was spilling out into the street, the cops just watched but weren’t dicks, just insisted that people stay out of the street. That Dishwasher Union guy who fucking rules whose actual name I can’t remember right now was playing inside, the crowd inside was packed and outside all the windows and doors had crowds around them too, packed a good ten or twenty feet back with people straining to hear through the openings. I text messaged Jessie from Blatz to let him know that covers of his old songs were coming from inside, to which he responded “I’m SO sorry!”
By the way, Blatz and Filth vinyl re-issues on Silver Sprocket in January!
AJJ played on the front porch. Everyone whispered along to every word as hard as they could, and snapped fingers instead of clapping so we could avoid pissing off neighbors, who were obviously awake and scared but whatever. I sold piles of merch for them. Then I got to meet one of the guys who does The Yes Men and we hung out for hella hours and that was awesome and I learned all about the rooftops and treetops in Gainesville that you can sleep on (I wasn’t sure where I’d be sleeping yet that night) and he told me about upcoming pranks and all sorts of awesome holy fuck I cant believe it, and some other awesome stuff happened, and then one of Sean from AJJ’s friends from school was there and they let me stay on their floor, and some teenage girls were pretending to be british outside of this pizza place, and the kittens, good god the kittens, I went to sleep around 6am maybe.
This just won’t be coherent anymore. I can’t. I’m not sorry.
I saw some incredible bands, like Two Cow Garage, kind of like Lucero but with more desperation.
These dudes were fighting with sticks out in a parking lot.
I thought I was being all original with the “BC” thing for Bicycle Clubs, but apparently not, which I am FUCKING STOKED on.
Foundation was really good too, Rob from Ann Beretta’s current band, though I didn’t like it anywhere near as much as the first Foundation record years ago. Yea I’m old, fuck you.
Every single song Shang-A-Lang played was fucking incredible holy fuck I can’t wait to be working with this band, we have a 7″ and CD in the work with Face Palm.
Off With Their Heads are so fucking good, I haven’t heard songs this sick of the world since The Mountain Goats’ “No Children” but in such fun pop-punk that you’d think they were singing about bubblegum if you didn’t listen to the words, but all dirty and gross making sure you know how much whiskey they drink and cigarettes they smoke. This video isn’t from Fest, its just awesome:
Their singer kept bitching about what some people on the internet had to say about him, he was totally hung up on the internet, I didn’t get it, but who cares, they are so fucking good even if they have a big fight with Brendan from The Lawrence Arms from when their singer got naked at a Falcon show and started humping Dan from Alk3 up on stage in the middle of The Falcon’s set, which I don’t see how Brendan didn’t find hilarious.
Umm…
Leather Face was really good but I don’t know much about that band, I bet I’d have been having emogasims or something if I was more familiar with their work. They were still really awesome and I could see why everyone else was going so nuts for it.
This band Antarctica did a really amazing instrumental thing, with 6 or 7 members and a violin player who sometimes played regular and sometimes played it like a guitar with just his fingers doing crazy intricate shit.
Then back to the hotel, hung out a bunch with the AJJ and BTMI crew, show in a hotel room with so many people it got hard to breath and the door wouldn’t open or close right. I kept requesting Andrew Jackson Jihad to play Brave As a Noun, they kept playing other songs, I threatened to stab them with my many rusty things.
Some anarchy. We kept sweeping floors all mission impossible military commando style, I’d rate people’s beards, saved some girl’s number in my phone as “bad idea don’t do it!” — did I mention that everyone was incredibly intoxicated?
AJJ wrestled for a few floors, getting naked in the process.
Some no-shirt party for some reason.
We managed to shove these two beds together and I woke up as the center of a mega 9-person spoon-chain.
By this point I was suffering from full-blown FEST AIDS, which everyone at FEST gets from partying to hard, malnutrition, dehydration, drinking to much, sleeping to little, being in cramped spaces with thousands of stinky sweaty punks.
Um.. Somewhere in the prior night I had my ape suit on for a while, made sure people knew about the code yellow party alert, there was some dancing, a dance party. I’m not sure where to fit any of that in.
OK then back on this day being Monday, um..
Flew back home.
Been in bed sick for two days.
Don’t know where the sleeves from my Abe Lincoln shirt went
Gross facial hair that’s really scratchy. Didn’t shave for those four or five days I guess.
Fucking Fest aids.
That was the most fun incredible amazing thing ever, I can’t wait to do it again next year.
You should come too.
November 14th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
What the hell is this? is it every year?
November 15th, 2008 at 7:49 am
Yea, usually the closet weekend to Halloween!
Their website is:
http://www.thefestfl.com/
Its put on by Tony at No Idea Records.
November 19th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Next time two ape suits are going.
..you can’t stop it!
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