Comic con is almost over and boy what great panels and cosplays we have seen! Now i know the “con” can be daunting for the uninitiated so before it ends so heres some tips from a seasoned professional (pun intended!)

-if the line is moving too slow for you, turn to the person next to you ask if they can believe this. Chances are they cant either and you will bond on that.

-people at booths love it when you camp, ask for free things and bring up sex for no reason at all. It shows you are a cool person they want to be friends with and they will give you a thumbs up and NOT the facepalm.

-keep your camera phone on selfie mode so instead of perved pics of peoples cosplays you get a load of your big cool face lookin’ hot and bothered. Lookin sharp!

-If you wanna line up for hall H get there the night before! bring a sleeping bag, pillow and sword suit to ward off criminals and pranksters.

-take a cops gun

-if you see someone with Google glass make sure to stop them and try em on. Then break em in half. Now smoke the pieces. Now you are a terminator.

-blackface is ok if its cosplay kuz a guy in a bazinga shirt told me

– if you see someone wearing a free hugs shirt do not hug them because that is a pyramid scheme. Hug everyone without that shirt instead. Watch out for scammers! Dont be a dooped Dora!

-the Marriott next to the convention center has great bathrooms to have sex in.

-sex is for losers and clowns

-anyone in “stormtrooper” armor is not what they seem. Stormtroopers are from a 1979 film “Star Wars”

-every deadpool costume is filled with a sentient mist that wikipedias what jokes were this morning. Please be patient with them they didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.

-game of thrones is not real.

-despite cruel rumors steampunk is in fact 100% real

-draw a thing now put a thing from another tv show next to it. Congratulations on all your new money.

-if the line for utilikilts is too long pass the time by talking about what things real men do besides wear those things. May I suggest eating shit/dying?

-when you see doc hammer tell.him that is a great doc hammer cosplay. He will figuratively Bust. A. Gut.

-if you get high on the convention floor you are cool and people like you.

-when people are excited about something you dont like dont worry you are still right. Blow rasberries and shake your head as you pass kuz they deserve that kind of shotty treatment.

-if you feel like something you wanna say to a cosplayer might be inappropriate here’s a cool tip on how to find out if you should say it. Go to the bathroom. Wait in line for a stall. Drown yourself in a toilet. Now your connin’!